Escaping the midlife sinkhole

midlife crisis in full swing

Female sexuality – sex in midlife — September 10, 2020

Female sexuality – sex in midlife

“Are you sexually active?” my doctor asked me about a year ago.

“No.”

“Oh, ok,” she responded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I didn’t. I was consumed with anger, confusion and other negative emotions and certainly did not want to explore those with this doctor.

She dropped it.

But I didn’t. I started thinking about what exactly the term “sexually active” meant.

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Letting go, reluctantly — September 9, 2020

Letting go, reluctantly

What is interesting to me after weeks of what appeared to be ghosting by my Friend With Desired Benefits (FWDB), I have now somehow managed to ‘get over’ not hearing from him regularly anymore.

Gone are the frantic attempts to reach out to him, the manipulative methods to get him to reach out to me, the endless thoughts about missing his presence in my life.

Gone.

Just like that.

How is this possible? I had (have?) such affection for him…

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Ignoring ghosting advice — September 3, 2020
Revelation — September 2, 2020

Revelation

I’m going to stop whining.

My needs, my sexual needs, are not important in the grand scheme of things.

I can be strong, supportive, focused on family.

I will continue to give, not receive, and accept that life is not so bad.

I have enough. Enough is good enough.

Fantasizing about what isn’t, what can’t be, just makes me miserable.

So I will learn to focus on what is, not what isn’t.

And stop whining.

Stuck in a relationship rut —
When they go MIA aka ghosting you — August 31, 2020

When they go MIA aka ghosting you

For some reason, Dan Savage really impresses me.

The way he describes a mentality in his book American Savage puts into words the things that I felt but could never voice before. It changed my whole outlook. I think he coined the phrase ‘monogamish’.

I’m not done reading it, and now I have even more questions than I did before.

Can I be that person I desire to be? And more importantly, can I be her outside of this relationship and not completely fuck up the family?

Alternately, I wonder:

Is it really that important to be sexually fulfilled? Do I need this?

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Memories —
Midlife yearnings for freedom — August 23, 2020
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